King of Anything
by crazycatbabe
Summary: Song fic - "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles. Babe if you do the squinting, and unkind to Morelli if you read it. Rated for language.


**_A/N:_****I don't own anything. The song is Sara Bareilles', and the characters are Janet Evanovich's. If you want a quick update regarding Facing Demons, please read the author's note below. If not, I hope you enjoy this one shot.**

**Oops, lyrics part of this have been removed to keep story within FF guidelines. You can see the song here: watch?v=eR7-AUmiNcA&noredirect=1**

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**"King Of Anything"**

Stephanie Plum stared off into the middle distance as a fire raged behind her. Another car had gone off to Car Heaven. While staring off into space, the two men in her life showed up to the scene in dramatically different fashions.

Ricardo Carlos Manoso, a/k/a Ranger, a/k/a Batman, and once, to Stephanie, also Fanfuckingtastic Cuban Lover Extraordinaire. He drove up on scene in one of RangeMan's shiny black SUVs, and strolled out of the vehicle with a purpose, his Second in Command, Tank following as a silent bodyguard behind him.

Ranger's gaze couldn't be seen behind his sunglasses, but if they could, there would be a moment were absolute relief could be seen behind his blank mask, as his eyes focused onto his Babe.

The other man in Stephanie's life, Detective Joe Morelli a/k/a Super Cop a/k/a the Italian Stallion a/k/a the Hairy Italian, came up in a busted, outdated department issued hunk of junk. He pulled in next to the black SUV, and came out with a purple face and a rage that Stephanie knew all too well. His yelling would surely start up, since Ranger had Stephanie wrapped up in his arms.

"You OK, Babe?" Ranger whispered, as Joe walked to where they were now standing. His gaze fell onto the woman in Ranger's arms, Joe's glare attempting to freeze Stephanie from moving. She nodded at Ranger's question before Joe began to go off on her.

"What the hell Cupcake! Another car! If you haven't taken the hint yet, here's one loud and clear: you suck at your job. You need to give it up. You need to give up these delusional fantasies of being something you're not. That you'll never be. You're not Wonder Woman. You're not some amazing bounty hunter. You're a pathetic little idiot, attempting to do a job COMPLETELY out of your league. You need to give it up and marry me already...before I walk for good." Joe yelled at her. Stephanie stifled a smirk and laugh as she watched his face get purple-er and purple-er from the venom he was spewing and the oxygen his body wasn't receiving while he was giving himself an ulcer...or a coronary.

Stephanie had grown tired, long before this recent tirade, of Joe's anger issues and their lack of a truly lasting, loving and committed relationship. She was sick of his lack of support and his opinions on everything in her life being wrong. Stephanie did a quick ten count and began speaking quietly.

"Joe...I would thank you for the spit you just dribbled on my face during that little tantrum you just had, but honestly, I wasn't looking forward to trading spit with you ever again, so really, it was just disgusting." When Joe looked like he was about interrupt her, Stephanie moved out of Ranger's arms, and pushed Joe away from them.

"No! You spoke, you're done. It's my turn."

"Joe, we're done! You don't have to worry about overdosing on Maalox or the fact that I'm a...what, incompetent bounty hunter who will never be and has never been Wonder Woman? A idiotic woman who should quit her job and marry you…? Right?" Stephanie was smirking now, and she didn't even attempt to quiet her laugh by the end of this part of her speech.

"No thank you, Joe Morelli! I don't want to marry you. Please go away and marry someone who'll be good for you. Because, I'm not her. I'm not who you want, and I'm not who you need. And I never will be. I am Wonder Woman. I am competent at my job, and I am going to continue to improve myself in the field of bounty hunting. I will only surround myself with people who respect me, and might I add, that is not and has never been you!" Her voice was rising a little more at this point, but still much quieter than she'd ever been during their fights before, and Ranger was silently cheering her on.

_Proud of you, Babe_ whispered into her head as encouragement.

"I'm done with you and the Burg and everything they entail. If I have to move, I will. But I will continue to be a bounty hunter here in Trenton, so you need to, as one of the community's local police officers, respect that decision. When my car blows up, just don't show up. Other officers will come to take my statement. I don't need you around, and I don't want you around anymore in any type of personal or, hell, even professional capacity if I can manage it." She finished, allowing herself to sigh in relief, at what she hoped, was a mature sounding monologue.

Of course, during her not so little speech, Joe looked as though he really might die. His face was so purple due to his uncontrollable rage that Stephanie took a step back from him and went back into Ranger's arms.

"Proud of you Babe." He spoke out loud. Loud enough for Joe to hear him, and that made Joe all the more angry.

"You fucker! You're the reason she won't quit this damn death sentence. You're the reason she thinks she can do this job. If you weren't around anymore, Stephanie would be in my arms, in my home, in my bed, and having my last name, my children, and making me my dinner!" Joe yelled, causing the large crowd around them to step away from him. His rage was palpable at this point, and the gossipers were afraid of being caught in a Morelli's crosshairs.

Stephanie took one look around her, and then back to the man that was screaming and looking like Grimace. She stepped once again out of Ranger's arms, and took a confident step towards Joe. She extended one of her arms out towards him, and Joe thought she was welcoming him to hold her hand. Instead, she raised her other arm and tased him quickly.

"Who's incompetent, Joe?" She questioned detective at her feet with a smirk.

The crowd cheered, but the other cops around Stephanie shook their heads at her.

"Sorry Steph...you just assaulted a police officer in front of other police officers. I'm going to have to take you in." Eddie, said to her, walking up to Stephanie and taking his cuffs out.

"I'll have you bailed out, Babe. Then, I'm taking you to dinner." Ranger said, giving her his full two hundred wattage grin, as she was cuffed and escorted to a nearby patrol vehicle.

If going to jail meant getting the guy of her dreams to finally take her out, it was totally worth it. Now, Stephanie thought to herself, if only he'd take her out again and again and again after this dinner date. Stephanie definitely thought it was likely, but if on the off chance his stance on relationships still hadn't changed…

Well then...

They'd just have to agree to disagree...well, really, he'd just have to change his stance, because Stephanie Plum was definitely not going to let him make any more decisions on her behalf. They'd make them together...or she'd tase him.

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**_A/N_**** #_2_: Facing Demons is still very much a work in progress. With life being life, I have had to put it on hold. Of course, now that I have time, I've...err, misplaced a lot of my notes. I still have the general plot in my head, so when I do get back to it, and to editing Facing Demons, it will change slightly. I'll be removing any promises on a deadline or completion date that I've put up, because I don't know when it will be. Hopefully it will be finished before Thanksgiving of 2014.**


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